All People are assholes
I’ve come to understand
Undeniable opinions
And somehow, God given rights to take a stand

Some people don’t like you for you
And whoever, who you are
They don’t like the way you dress
Or the way you work, or don’t work hard

The color of your hair
The grin on your chin
How high you wear your pants
The church you don’t attend

The way that you get high
Whether it’s nothing, beer, weed, or Jesus
It’s all up for judgement and discussion
And you probably are beneath us

So choose your friends and enemies
Ever, oh so, carefully
You will be judged right beside them
By a bunch of assholes like you and me

In most of us, the asshole hides
It hardly ever comes out
But it’s always there in our minds
Speaking out again… and just now

It recognizes idiots
Before they even speak
It’s super smart and surely knows
Just what we really need

If it wasn’t for the Great Asshole
Guiding all of us
The world would be way too happy
Full of friendship, love, and trust

There would be no more war
No pointless sacrifice
The planet would be too full
Of too many people that were too nice

The Earth would get too heavy
And fall to the bottom of outer space
And all of us would die, cold and lonely
In our happy place

So thank an asshole every day
For their service, if you don’t mind
For surely we would all be dead
If we were friendly, non-judgemental, open minded, caring, fair, nice, and kind