Shared on Facebook 6-28-2020

Stupid.

I wonder how many friends think I’m stupid?

I used to think I was stupid. I was treated like I was stupid by some teachers in school.

I look back and I was pretty stupid. Maybe because the education system failed me, or maybe I was just bad at learning. I didn’t pay attention and I didn’t care.

Something woke up in my brain later in life. I started to question things I grew up thinking were normal and accepted. Now it sometimes feels like I’m an outsider.

Our opinions and grown up personalities are based on our experiences. Our upbringing and influences. We can re-evaluate at any time.

For years I have been self examining and evaluating, trying to understand myself. The good and especially the bad. I try to figure out other people too, and try hard to not judge.

I see religion for what it is, complicated, and sometimes useful and good. But I personally can’t believe there’s an invisible man in the sky that loves us. I first pondered that when I was twelve and didn’t understand why so many bad things happen to innocent people. Especially kids. It just didn’t make sense. I was also very afraid to even think it, for fear of God punishing me. No one should be afraid of their own thoughts.

I grew up riding horses, raising animals, and being involved in rodeos. I’ve always known that the sport involves some animal cruelty and abuse. We should probably stop doing that, but it’s complicated. There will be a day where that will become an issue. It will probably be politicized by people wearing blue hats and red hats.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had a Confederate flag hanging across the back window of my pickup. It was simply a Rebel flag to me. I wasn’t taught about slavery and oppression in a way that made me truly understand, or empathize with, all that the flag represents. I didn’t realize that it’s a reminder of, and a monument to, the worst era of my American history.

I once considered painting a Swastika on my Volkswagen because I thought it would represent my funny little German car in a funny way. Again, I was vastly unaware of the meaning of that symbol. I was in my twenties. I honestly didn’t know anything about the Holocaust other than Hitler was in charge of bunch of Nazis and they tried to take over the world. Why didn’t I know about the murdering of millions of people for white supremacy? I just didn’t know.

So when I see the hatred, the ignorance, the stupidity, and the conspiracy theories on social media, I understand. I can relate.

I also understand that survival is at stake. I personally have the privilege to openly have opinions that don’t affect my work or important relationships. But I know that some of my friends won’t be accepted if they don’t have the same opinions. It can cost them a job. We were told in truck driving school, if we wanted to be a truck driver, we needed to dress like a truck driver.

I can also assume that sometimes they just don’t know about things. Maybe the education system failed them, like it did me, or maybe they’re just bad at learning or just don’t care, like I used to be.

But, I fixed my stupid. I learned how to learn. I freed my mind to think about things I wasn’t supposed to question. I changed my environment, and most importantly, I started to care about the world beyond my own.